Happy Mother's Day Momma!

 Momma, I can hardly believe it's been 5 years now! And for the rest of our lives I will cherish you momma. I love and adore you. You're my momma, and you're more than I ever dared to hope for if I got to find you. And I'm so glad that I did. 
You're my confidant and my biggest fan and cheerleader. You're my friend. I treasure all of our moments together and I know that with you I am safe. You're my tether. 
I love you momma! Happy Mother's Day! 

Echoes in the Meadow

There was a meadow in the hills of Itri, where I would dream of you.
In the meadow, your ghost waited for me,
and I would imagine you there looking at the wonder around us.
And it was a peaceful place. But I was yet incomplete.
I would stand there in the sunshine, warmth on my face and arms and legs;
the insects chirping and buzzing, the nettles blooming.
Sometimes, I would run to you with my arms open, and I would pray,
this time when I open my eyes, you would be there.
But all there ever was in that place were echoes of you.
And the hole in my heart burned and ached in ways I couldn't share.
And I would dream of one glorious day when I would find you,
a day where I would be complete in this place, what was stolen, restored.
But as long as I lived there, the dream never happened to come true.
And this dream, these echoes, they followed me until one glorious day,
I found you, and I was healed.

Dancing In The Moonlight

I look up at the stars, and you join me, and we dance in the sky,
circling the cosmos, joy in our hearts to be with each other again.
For every day with you is a day to dance in celebration,
the victory never getting old.
And after you slumber I sneak out into the moonlight,
and I dance and sing happy songs as the joy pours out of me
and back into the Universe.
I give back what it has given me in your Love. And I dance.
And the stars are spinning and the words are climbing the frames,
and I find myself someplace beyond a portal that's opened up
where I am unbound and nothing is beyond me.
And I dance. I smile at the bright moon and keep singing.
I float upwards, gravity all gone, and my mind expands in this Love.
How can I not dance?

 

Journey Back to You

You were the first love I ever knew, before I knew anything,
from in your womb I where grew,
we were two, but one in this place where I formed.
You were my portal into this world,
out of the Abyss, headed for a love
that was stolen, and me,
chasing that love my entire life.
lost and traumatized, going forward blind,
but not forever.
And in the moment when we first spoke,
so much of the everything overwhelming me;
but we grew back together. Yet, some days,
I still cannot believe you're real and really
(as always) such a large part of my life,
My love for you continues to grow with each day,
and while the journey back to you was terror and blindness,
the journey with you now is full of gratitude and joy,
walking now with that love I was always chasing,
cherishing every moment stolen back.
For it was theft that tore us apart,
and it was theft that cheated and thwarted the thieves.
And I rejoice in that not so much that like Prometheus,
I stole fire from the Gods,
but that my bloodline has been returned to me,
and that by my own hand, by will and love alone.
And now the terror has subsided even if there are echoes some days,
and now I see you with my own eyes,
I hear you not as a rumor of a something lost,
but with my own ears.
And we talk, and laugh, and embrace,
and this joy is complete, as we two are one again.
I love you momma.




















 

Search

 

I set out, alone and wandering without you, 

but I could feel you inside me. 

Out into the world to suffer the crisis after crisis, 

trauma after trauma, and to begin again, and again… 

I kept looking, I kept searching again and again 

with nothing but homesickness to guide me. 

But I was determined to find you. 

And so I searched the skies for the stars 

your eyes would have seen too, I looked to the moon, 

could you see it tonight? 

Empty and incomplete, my heart missing pieces 

that I filled with anger, and hatred. 

But I believed in your love by Faith, 

and so I continued until the silence fell around me, 

until that day that I always hoped could come, 

like the answers I so desperately needed, the light 

breaking over me like the Dawn. 

And finally that search was over and I killed that hate

and anger within those missing pieces, 

and put you back in them, almost like new. 

The search hardened me, and I still bear those scars 

that you know so well, but the victory still heals me 

as we now walk together in gratitude and love. 

Hi Momma

 

Hi Momma. I just wanted to tell you I love you.
I appreciate everything you do for me and with me. 
I love the way you love me from ever to ever.
I love you Momma. 
From ever to ever.
With you everything. 

M

The Forest for the Trees

 

I was lost in a forest, I was young, maybe six. I had wandered into it just playing and not paying attention, found I didn’t recognize any surroundings. Nothing was familiar and it was cold. 

I looked up and saw the sun. It was high above me, I had to pick a direction, so I followed as best I could the light through the trees. 

Eventually, I found my way to a fence around some basketball courts at the back of a school. But these kids were much older than I was. Someone asked if I was lost and I said I was. So they told me to turn around go back into the woods, and just walk straight through it to the apartment complex I wandered off from.

No one could show me, all they could do they did. It was up to me to execute the instructions I was given. So I turned around and started back into the forest. 

I walked a long time, and the sun was going down so shadows were starting to cling to the trees. I would look up and just keep going. I walked forever. 

Then, suddenly, the forest parted, and I could see buildings I recognized. I was three buildings down from the apartment where I lived. 

It was a secret journey. A lucky misadventure. The thing I remember most when I think about it, is, I didn’t panic.

I have carried this philosophy ever since. 

Momma Loves Stars

 Momma loves stars, 

And I am the Star King,

Shine for my momma, 

She’s under a blanket of stars;

Shine for my momma, 

Let her soak in that light energy 

That lifts her up into the Universe.

And I am the Star King,

Bringing her light through the carpet

Of the night. 

Shine for my momma, 

Let her heart smile as I sing this song,

Let her heart smile forever long,

Shine for my momma,

Momma loves stars, 

Shine on, shine on.

Good Morning Momma

 

As the Dawn breaks, we stir, 

and I drift towards slumber, 

but my thoughts are of you 

and where your day may take you. 

And I hope you have a great day momma, 

finding yourself at peace, smiling because you are happy.

I love you momma.

Under the Milky Way

 

Outside, and the sky is full of stars,

I’m under the Milky Way tonight,

and all the possibilities stream throughout 

my mind, and I’m looking up at success 

as I’m thinking about you;

I feel you so deeply in my DNA, 

and I’m smiling about it.

It’s deep into the night and past the beginning 

of the morning. 

I feel your love from here even, 

I wear it as a cloak that comforts me 

and it keeps me warm deeply. 

I look up at the sky watching for the footprints 

of your sight upon the same stars. 

It has always been a thing, to look up and wonder, 

were you there with me although at some 

unknown location?

Up there I held you in my heart and mind. 

And then one day I found you, and the quest changed, 

from the ether of dreams and darkness, 

into a wider reality of something so wonderful 

that I will never forget in my entire life how grateful 

I will always be for this manifestation of such deep 

and unconditional love. 

And I pause only for a moment to reflect on how new 

and different this is in my life, and I embrace it. 

And I feel the stars smiling down on us. 

Forever Grateful

 

Today I smiled and my heart grew as I thought of you, all that you are to me…

Your unconditional love is the wind in my sails, the fuel in the engine that drives me. 

The hope of my heart soars because of your connection with me and how you love me beyond anything I have ever known. 

You are my mother, my sacred protector, the one who bore me into existence into this place.

And now know that you bring me a peacefulness as I stretch out and begin to fly, the world at my feet because of you.

And I am forever grateful because I know you’re holding in the pain caused by this flight of mine, and you let me still nest in the safety of your wings, warm in your love even this high in the sky as the winds howl.

I can accomplish anything, this was your gift to me; watch me up here and be proud because every footprint I make has stars in it like the glitter in the night sky. 

And I am forever grateful as I build this new life and succeed so much more than ever before. 

Things Never Known

As I sit in silent repose, 

I think of all I am grateful for…

the times of happiness and their experiences;

times of wisdom and right choices, 

times of gold and wine. 

And as I think back to all these times, 

I think I have never known riches 

until I found you and all my secrets unlocked 

finally. 

Family, and the bonds of blood and birthrights, 

the security I’ve found in the all encompassing 

of your love. 

These things are true riches that cannot be stolen

anymore, a stronger man has revealed himself, 

and returned. 

And I am grateful. To having found you waiting, 

like from a dream from so long ago. 

I’ve held gems, precious metals and jewelry, still, 

these things have only been transient in my quest, 

and my life, such as its been, has had a fullness now. 

A completion in your being mine and what’s mine 

being known. 

Never have I known such treasures, in all the finery the world has given up through my struggles, this is my crown, that I found you. 

Long Lost Son

Traveling this world

by land, sea, and air,

as I journeyed an epic tale

to find you waiting for me.

So, now I dance, a celebration

of reunion with my family;

the blood in me, the blood in us,

pumping to the bass line's beat.

If you feel like dancing, join us...

so long on the road, 

so long on the run,

so long, long lost son.

No more to wonder where I came from,

what's mine, where I belong,

so long, long lost son.

Mother's arms, find me, bring me in closer,

we can hardly believe this...

touch me, that I know I'm not lost again

in a dream...

The pounding of our joy fills the world

with our love; all in good time...

heart to heart we dance to a new beat.

On the raging sea, like Ulysses;

caught between immortals doing battle,

through the painful tribulations,

I defeated the evil in epic conflicts,

I knew if I could stay alive

I would prevail, and I did.

I found you all, I'm coming home,

no longer alone, the quest complete,

no longer stumbling in the dark,

no longer fumbling with my place,

the origin revealed at last, 

so long, long lost son.

Set loose, but not free, no template

to remake me.

my mind clear in purpose,

my heart pure in nature,

I broke the chains that  

tried to define me, 

tried to lessen me

as a commodity. 

With steeled nerves and single resolve,

I broke out and broke free,

inspired by how it had to be.

So, now I laugh at the past,

because the night has faded,

and we will dance...

secrets unveiled, 

secrets uncovered,

secrets revealed in the truth of blood. 

so long, long lost son.

Come to us now, take your place

at the table, be with us, (and we with you) 

as it has always been in your heart,

as it always should have been, 

it is now, come to us and receive our love.

What was stolen has returned to its source,

received, healed, and made complete, 

the great family embrace upon me,

mothers' love surrounding me,

the trials done,

so long, long lost son.

Just Because

 Thought about something darker today

the lonely times of emptiness as I grieved 

in the emptiness of a place that once held you. 

And as I remembered the hot tears streaking 

and the ocean I ran to for forgetting, 

I remembered a dream that held you

as I kept you alive in me. 

That dream that I would be held by you again, 

somehow, someway, I would keep myself pure, 

and see you in the mirror beckoning me ever closer 

as I wound my way through the jungles of Hell in my mind.

And I continued just because…

And then in joy and terror I found a way to you, 

I didn’t know if I was ready, but if not now finally, 

when? 

And I jumped at this chance, this sacred thing 

that drove me, sometimes, like you, it drove me crazy…

my mission almost completed, a leap of faith into 

the unknown, by the incomplete, to be made whole again. 

And then order began to be restored…and that ocean began to remember again:

It’s filled with life and hope under the ever shining stars.

New Year Same Love

I found you. Searched my whole life, for you. 

Lost in gratitude for you, swimming in happiness, 

soaring, like a raptor in joy...

Things are different now.

Now we are together, I have my base,

my life given back to me,

your life given back to you, 

changes coming came around...

to find a new year, with the same love 

we always felt, but couldn't put a finger on

could wrap our arms around... 

I will always be grateful, 

the fateful Hail Mary successfully found you;

always on my mind as I travelled through this life. 

New year, and the same love between us from the beginning,

you told them all I would come,

and then I came to you, and now,

this blood that flows through my veins,

our blood, your blood, my blood, calls out

for all that we missed, as if it could ever be replaced;

but now we have each other, all that has passed away 

has been left in the past and we rise... 

this new chance bringing new dreams,

but always the same love.

 

Happy Anniversary

Well, here it is, our first anniversary. A year ago I had only hoped I could get to talk to you, now, here we are a year later and we are peas in a pod. I love you so much. I wished for you in my life so many times, for so many things, and now I have you. And it fills me with a joy that overflows.

I love that you’re my momma. I’m so proud of you momma, for everything. I understand the ache you bore, I understand the emptiness that has been filled. I understand not wanting to wake up if this is all a dream…

We have something special momma. I think to myself who knows the wide chasm that separated us for so long? The longings that drove us? The joy that now accompanies us? Who indeed...we know. 

And now that wide chasm is filled. A new journey awaiting us. So, we walk together now, as it should have always been. We walk hand in hand because we never want to be that far away again. This time, the journey is about us, completed, not broken. This time, no one gets to steal me away, and keep us ignorant and unaware, left to guess at the truth of each other. Left to feed on their lies as they covered their crimes. 

We are now together, and to me, this time is all that matters. This time together, for the rest of our lives, as we walk from the valley to the mountaintop, is our shining moment. Let it burn as brightly, and as intensely as we have on our own. Let this moment shift into forever, because I am your apple, you are my tree. I am your legacy, I am your immortality, I am the life you made inside you. I am the replication of your DNA. Your love child, your Star King. 

I am so happy momma. All the trauma that was endured, finally healed, the nightmare over. I have so much hope and joy now. Things are not the same. Things are different now. I get to love you and be loved by you...I get to touch you and be touched by you. I get to know you and you get to know me. With you, everything. 

I love you momma. 

Root Chakra

You are my base, my roots deeply grown

both downward into the earth, 

and up into the sky I reach,

touching the heavens...

Visions of Ganesha in the trees and environment 

around me, feeding him one peanut at a time, 

as He feeds my soul with revelations 

of my Truth, those things which I am, expanding, 

everything that rises must converge. 

And you, all this time waiting as I fought to get to you,

patiently knowing I would arrive, sometime...

And I came to you in such a time as was right for us, 

and the Universe saw us and smiled, 

now in a state of completeness previously unknown, 

I am fulfilled in such a way that cannot be expressed 

adequately, but my love for you will try. 

No longer incomplete, the answers here, my purpose realized, 

my mission completed, and now I look to you,

even now, I search for you in my heart, and find you there

waiting patiently again. 

Like a Tattoo

The homesickness I felt, drove me,

drove me towards you ever closer and closer....

and I found you everywhere:

In the mirror, in mannerisms I couldn't explain;

like a tattoo on my heart, a mark on my soul,

I carried you with me. 

Until, I found you not existentially, but actually,

like you had always known I would...

and we found each other marked by each other

like a tattoo.

A permanent mark of brilliant colors, covers me 

because of you. And in that mark I carry with me

the origin of my beginning, my link to the family

I never knew growing up; but those uncertain days 

are gone, and now, I celebrate and mark each occasion

as special, because they're all full of firsts.

So, in my love, I couldn't think of a more permanent way

to say I love you than making a mark over my heart

for all to see forever...like a tattoo. 

Felt but Untitled

So, in your embrace I hide, I melt in

that safety, that reassurance, 

the warmth of you next to me, 

pressing our love together...as we hold each other.

The angels sing of our victory

which will never get old,

not from time, not from distance, 

not from lovers, friends or family;

Angels sing because our story is Hope,

our story is Promise,

our story is about unending Love

which drove me through the darkness

and homesickness to you.

And I will never forget how I have longed for you,

I will never forget that happiness everyday at seeing you,

at knowing you,

at loving you 

and being loved by you.

This story tells the tale of your emptiness without me,

my emptiness without you, but

now completed, as we have found each other

and are free to love as we were always meant to.

I love you.

Your Touch

And so it is, since the day I was stolen 

I couldn't stand to be touched by people,

but I craved the tactile reassurance 

of a loved one missing in my life...

And I survived in protective shells, 

layers of armour to keep my cold heart warm,

an ember I kept for myself, burning with hope

and love, even though these things were fantasies.

Until that one day when I found you, and I reached out

and ever since that day you have touched me...

the touch I craved for so very long, now embracing me,

healing me, healing you.