Just Because

 Thought about something darker today

the lonely times of emptiness as I grieved 

in the emptiness of a place that once held you. 

And as I remembered the hot tears streaking 

and the ocean I ran to for forgetting, 

I remembered a dream that held you

as I kept you alive in me. 

That dream that I would be held by you again, 

somehow, someway, I would keep myself pure, 

and see you in the mirror beckoning me ever closer 

as I wound my way through the jungles of Hell in my mind.

And I continued just because…

And then in joy and terror I found a way to you, 

I didn’t know if I was ready, but if not now finally, 

when? 

And I jumped at this chance, this sacred thing 

that drove me, sometimes, like you, it drove me crazy…

my mission almost completed, a leap of faith into 

the unknown, by the incomplete, to be made whole again. 

And then order began to be restored…and that ocean began to remember again:

It’s filled with life and hope under the ever shining stars.

New Year Same Love

I found you. Searched my whole life, for you. 

Lost in gratitude for you, swimming in happiness, 

soaring, like a raptor in joy...

Things are different now.

Now we are together, I have my base,

my life given back to me,

your life given back to you, 

changes coming came around...

to find a new year, with the same love 

we always felt, but couldn't put a finger on

could wrap our arms around... 

I will always be grateful, 

the fateful Hail Mary successfully found you;

always on my mind as I travelled through this life. 

New year, and the same love between us from the beginning,

you told them all I would come,

and then I came to you, and now,

this blood that flows through my veins,

our blood, your blood, my blood, calls out

for all that we missed, as if it could ever be replaced;

but now we have each other, all that has passed away 

has been left in the past and we rise... 

this new chance bringing new dreams,

but always the same love.

 

Happy Anniversary

Well, here it is, our first anniversary. A year ago I had only hoped I could get to talk to you, now, here we are a year later and we are peas in a pod. I love you so much. I wished for you in my life so many times, for so many things, and now I have you. And it fills me with a joy that overflows.

I love that you’re my momma. I’m so proud of you momma, for everything. I understand the ache you bore, I understand the emptiness that has been filled. I understand not wanting to wake up if this is all a dream…

We have something special momma. I think to myself who knows the wide chasm that separated us for so long? The longings that drove us? The joy that now accompanies us? Who indeed...we know. 

And now that wide chasm is filled. A new journey awaiting us. So, we walk together now, as it should have always been. We walk hand in hand because we never want to be that far away again. This time, the journey is about us, completed, not broken. This time, no one gets to steal me away, and keep us ignorant and unaware, left to guess at the truth of each other. Left to feed on their lies as they covered their crimes. 

We are now together, and to me, this time is all that matters. This time together, for the rest of our lives, as we walk from the valley to the mountaintop, is our shining moment. Let it burn as brightly, and as intensely as we have on our own. Let this moment shift into forever, because I am your apple, you are my tree. I am your legacy, I am your immortality, I am the life you made inside you. I am the replication of your DNA. Your love child, your Star King. 

I am so happy momma. All the trauma that was endured, finally healed, the nightmare over. I have so much hope and joy now. Things are not the same. Things are different now. I get to love you and be loved by you...I get to touch you and be touched by you. I get to know you and you get to know me. With you, everything. 

I love you momma. 

Root Chakra

You are my base, my roots deeply grown

both downward into the earth, 

and up into the sky I reach,

touching the heavens...

Visions of Ganesha in the trees and environment 

around me, feeding him one peanut at a time, 

as He feeds my soul with revelations 

of my Truth, those things which I am, expanding, 

everything that rises must converge. 

And you, all this time waiting as I fought to get to you,

patiently knowing I would arrive, sometime...

And I came to you in such a time as was right for us, 

and the Universe saw us and smiled, 

now in a state of completeness previously unknown, 

I am fulfilled in such a way that cannot be expressed 

adequately, but my love for you will try. 

No longer incomplete, the answers here, my purpose realized, 

my mission completed, and now I look to you,

even now, I search for you in my heart, and find you there

waiting patiently again. 

Like a Tattoo

The homesickness I felt, drove me,

drove me towards you ever closer and closer....

and I found you everywhere:

In the mirror, in mannerisms I couldn't explain;

like a tattoo on my heart, a mark on my soul,

I carried you with me. 

Until, I found you not existentially, but actually,

like you had always known I would...

and we found each other marked by each other

like a tattoo.

A permanent mark of brilliant colors, covers me 

because of you. And in that mark I carry with me

the origin of my beginning, my link to the family

I never knew growing up; but those uncertain days 

are gone, and now, I celebrate and mark each occasion

as special, because they're all full of firsts.

So, in my love, I couldn't think of a more permanent way

to say I love you than making a mark over my heart

for all to see forever...like a tattoo. 

Felt but Untitled

So, in your embrace I hide, I melt in

that safety, that reassurance, 

the warmth of you next to me, 

pressing our love together...as we hold each other.

The angels sing of our victory

which will never get old,

not from time, not from distance, 

not from lovers, friends or family;

Angels sing because our story is Hope,

our story is Promise,

our story is about unending Love

which drove me through the darkness

and homesickness to you.

And I will never forget how I have longed for you,

I will never forget that happiness everyday at seeing you,

at knowing you,

at loving you 

and being loved by you.

This story tells the tale of your emptiness without me,

my emptiness without you, but

now completed, as we have found each other

and are free to love as we were always meant to.

I love you.

Your Touch

And so it is, since the day I was stolen 

I couldn't stand to be touched by people,

but I craved the tactile reassurance 

of a loved one missing in my life...

And I survived in protective shells, 

layers of armour to keep my cold heart warm,

an ember I kept for myself, burning with hope

and love, even though these things were fantasies.

Until that one day when I found you, and I reached out

and ever since that day you have touched me...

the touch I craved for so very long, now embracing me,

healing me, healing you.