Why

Wondering aloud to myself, and 

the conversation twists, and 

I start thinking over all the why's between us...

all the things we couldn't share

because we were robbed,

all the milestones missed 

as we grew older, and time kept running away...

but, ultimately it doesn't matter,

because you're mine,

and I found you after many adventures 

and misadventures...

after all the years of our youth had passed, 

and it was a terrible thing for us both,

but now, it doesn't matter 

because we have each other and the dark times

are over now, and that's why I cling to you,

because I can, and I swore I'd never let go

if only, if only....and the dream manifested

and the pure joy I felt in knowing that you're real,

and the happiness that you are really mine,

and all the things that we share now 

and things that we will soon share as time goes on...

and that, dear mother, is why,

you have that tear in your eye;

because you feel my love for you...

and you will always feel it,

as long as my heart beats,

as long as I draw breath, 

I will show you all that I feel for you

because I love you.

What I Think Of

Reaching out into the Universe tonight,

thinking, thinking of you, and I miss you,

and hanging out and playing...

Tonight, we occupy the same space,

adrift in the cosmos as we sleep,

my stars in progression...

And I smile in my sleep because

I dreamt a dream where somebody loved me,

and that somebody was you.

And in this unbounded Now, 

we exist as one being, each the other's other...

in this place we'll call my mind,

I will show you around to this surreal time, 

because when I'm with you it stops and flies,

and we just keep creating it, because it's what we dreamed,

but the dream came to life and I saw it and jumped,

reaching out to you because of all it really is...

everything to me turns on us, the axis of my reality

is you, and that's what I think of 

when you come to mind, (which is all the time)

because all time is Now that we are together,

time to make up before time runs out, before 

time ends...until there is no more time

and all that's left of us is our unbounded Love. 

And gratefully, joyfully, I celebrate with you,

because we no longer have to wait...

We are Order, out of Chaos.

We are the Light, out of the Darkness. 

We are the Joy out of the great, and deep, Sorrow.

And in this wonderful, beautiful Now, 

we are no longer alone. 

And in the crisp melody of the chimes chiming,

birds chirping and sun rising, we awoke, apart,

but not separated...

Adrift and Dreaming

Let me love you in what's left of this life,

for every turn of the tide, 

in every ebb and flow of time,

I stand at the beach, looking 

at the rising sun...searching the horizon

for any trace of you, lost

in the flotsam and jetsam, awash in the mystery

of my existence. 

When I find you, I will keep you as close 

as your heart beat...for my heart beats with your

blood in my veins, can you feel this pulse?

Up the beach the wind carries me to the jetty,

where fishermen seek solace and answers

to questions that puzzle them in the night.

What's left of this life with the turning

of the tide again?  I've grown weary with age,

but my passion is the same, waiting to find you,

and one day I will hold you as you hold me

and we will love each other beyond time.

Until that day, I'll love you from here,

adrift and dreaming.

I Love You So

I love you so much,

I cannot explain how or why 

even though I have my ideas...

you are in my blood, you are in my spirit,

everything I became, was your gift to me, 

we are a oneness experiencing a duality,

we are a spirit experiencing bodies 

and the motions of movements; 

we are twin flames and mirrored images

of each other, peas in a pod...

you are my mother so I am here because of you,

and as we share this experience with each other

we grow together again in the secret ways

of the universe. You and I, becoming us...

and expanding into the Universe, 

an expression of Love 

within the Cosmic Mind.

For The Rest of Forever

And just like that, I arrived with you,

having grown in you for the time appointed to me,

and when we were driven apart,  I was lost in it,

but I found in me the you I dreamed of and created,

it was in my mind, but I made a picture of happiness,

the kind that doesn't go away, with a love that wasn't conditional,

and I created a place in my head that I felt 

with the emptiness in my soul.

It was with these hands I built a garden of peace and love,

a sanctuary for us, a place to just be and love...

I think of the mystereon that was my conception,

what was it to come here other than to find you?

To be in you and grow next to your heart, 

to hear you speaking, to breathe with you...to know you

so I could find you after the great trauma,

I built a bridge with these hands across the impossible

because I loved you and you loved me and it will always be we;

we are one because I can feel you in my blood, under my skin. 

In you I became a being in this place, you, 

my portal from the Great Love into reality...on some level

I remembered you and longed for you, 

these things now a memory of a time that will no longer be...

the Void now stopped in place,

and again, just like that, I arrive with you 

for the rest of forever.

Missing You

Staring into my mind tonight, 

thoughts swirl around me,

my heartstrings playing a tune 

about how I'm missing you as we're apart...

even though I know we'll be together soon.

My heart is full, but aches today,

separation anxiety playing tricks on me,

like the ghost of a dog you once knew,

bouncing back and forth, running away

with me, sometimes.

It's the natural reaction to the trauma 

we endured I suppose; 

I know I still carry the scars and the

survival methods that kept me alive to find you...

but tonight I'm staring out and my heart shines

with a gentle ache missing you.

 

3 AM

It's 3 AM but you're on my mind,

and I think you should start your week 

with a smile, so here I am in your mind

whispering things like incantations,

strange voodoo, good juju...all the magic

is ours as we think in the same synchronicity.

Sands in the hourglass dripping and shifting

in our favor, the universe conspiring 

to bring us together to correct the grave error,

the Empty Terror...those endless nights ended,

the unconscious Will brought us back together

to restore order in our universes...

that reality would be righted for us and serve

as an example of Grace to others.

Thinking of you, holding you, sitting next to you,

I take none of it for granted now that I have you.

The clock ticking out as the sun starts to rise,

living in the twilight of Dawn,

living in the dawn of Twilight...

it goes around and around

as I hold your hand, 

but you knew this already...

and so we wait until,

and on that day, we will embrace and smile

like you are right now..

 

On My Mind

It's a quiet night, thoughts drift by me like clouds

on the winds, passing by like fancies on a whim...

These thoughts, my private cache, entertaining 

possibilities moving around me, like when I 

will see you again; you're on my mind like always,

but different this time as I'm not so much wondering 

about you, but earnestly missing your company and touch.

The wind moves my hair and I imagine it is your fingers,

as I lay my head in your lap to rest...

you hold me, and I fall asleep in that place of safety

and comfort, dreaming of a peace that covers me.

It's a quiet night, clouds streaming by on the gentle winds,

I would feel your embrace if I were there with you...

Thoughts about love come to me, its depth and position

in the varied faceted realms, my love, your love, our love.

Growing, if that's even possible...surrounding, protecting,

the heartbeats stronger every day.

I miss you, and while absence makes the heart fonder,

I have missed you enough in this lifetime for a lifetime,

I would be with you now until we shift into the other realms

never to just imagine you again, but to have you to hold you,

and be held by you, that mothers' touch which makes 

everything less that is not love...

 

What Can I Say?

How does it feel to no longer be alone?

What can I say to you that you would understand...?

All my life I have been alone, fighting. Searching.

And I found you, my ally, my advocate, my protector...

In you, now, I am completed in ways 

that I did not know I lacked. 

And they are fulfilled in ways

that I did not know I had...

There is now a connectedness to everything,

no longer an alien in a strange land filled with dangers,

now, a person who feels the rest of you a little bit more.

A hope now, certain that things will work out,

because of the magic we found that found us.

I believed through the impossible, even in despair,

not knowing, but holding on to find you,

there is no poetic way to say it, it was what it was.

Bad things, and worse things, danger and solitude.

But not anymore. Now there is a new era, 

a new Dawn for us...for we are put back in order now,

even if we bear a few scars from the journey.

Jacob wrestled the angel and overcame him,

If he could overcome, so could I, and I did...

now the Cosmic Joker says it was just a game,

and we won, took it to the House and prevailed.

So, I laugh off the struggle that was so real 

I cried sometimes, but now my tears are of joy...

how do I convey the feeling of being put back together?

A fresh breath into my lungs, I can exhale...

Puzzle Pieces

We belong together, as in the beginning,

so my quest through the paradox of life,

was like a puzzle of blue, trying frantically

to fit in with the other pieces, but the only 

fit I had was you, so I had to get to you...

and when I did, the light shone through my life

and into my soul, I swallowed the fear

and reached out to see if it was true 

that we only fit together because we are the same,

in a state of gratitude, in awe of the serendipity

which brought me back to you

no longer (a) lone, awkward piece,

but connected, and custom fitted for us,

a picture of joy and happy endings. 

 

Celebration

The day I found you I was in disbelief,

it had been so long, the journey lonely,

the difficulties many, the treachery deep.

But I found you anyway,

like an echo I came back to you,

but different, and changed...

no longer innocent, no longer a babe, but

cast into the world with apple eyes,

led to believe that anything was possible,

so I believed because I had no other choice.

And I travelled that long road,

and many times despaired at the emptiness,

the Devil mocking me at every step,

laughing in my face to the dilemmas presented,

but I endured, for if I can just survive this...

then surely the road would lead me back to you,

it's only true in fairy tales; but this was life,

and I've used every sort of resource to find you,

if I could, track you, then bring myself to you

and wondered at the possibilities again.

I was in disbelief, but I persisted, my hope, grown,

the victory, sweet, and not a moment too soon.

Would I hold you, would I kiss you, 

would we cry about the dreary night 

that had finally dawned? 

Tears of joy, of celebration...

breathing that sigh of relief that we are together again,

mother and child, (who is no longer a child)

for the road was long, but I travelled 

and in victory, I found you,

I will celebrate you for the rest of my life

for finding you, has completed me.

 

 

Searching

They took me from you,

out into the darkness of the Void

I was cast alone, chosen in the ether

to be food for the rich and powerful,

but I have a will of my own...

and all I knew was 

I had to get back to you.

The world was my enemy,

everywhere I looked 

I saw them watching me,

a wall of eyes that followed me...

silent and present, but never helping...

voices that were disconnected,

the murmuring, a continuum of the eyes...

paranoia everywhere...

you get used to living under surveillance,

sometimes...

but then, the thoughts of you in my mind

maybe the eyes were me, 

symbolic, and searching, looking for you

in every dark crack in the Universe...

they were looking to complete me,

not out of affection, but for order and 

the righteousness of Love.

Maybe, they were just waiting

to see what I would do,

what I was capable of in this journey.

And I pause and think of you,

how they ripped me from you

before you could say anything,

lost and alone on your own,

left to pretend that I did not exist,

left to pretend that you were still whole...

but I was searching;

I was getting back to you

if I had to burn down the entire village;

and sometimes I did.

And they continued to watch me,

I can feel them always,

I can hear them always,

but they don't have much left to say

anymore because I found you 

and struck them dumb, the voices,

now a murmuring, a quiet background 

noise like rain

not friendly, but familiar, and now,

defeated, 

if ever present.

 

Tenderness

Deep in this heart, I am filled with you,

the love in me overflowing in a joy

I fail to describe,

but is there nonetheless.

I am a child of the Universe,

the Star King,

and the Universe was built in Love,

therefore we are built in Love...

if we but acknowledge our tenderness

for each other within ourselves.

We can heal this world.

But I digress...we have acknowledged,

and bravely jumped, into the tenderness

and out of darkness

to find the eternal embrace was still

with us despite, the foils and foibles, 

despite the outrageous misadventures; 

we are now a part of an unfolding adventure

in Love...made complete 

with each other, the very thing 

we had been missing in our lives;

each other, but

I reached out and caught something 

as I fell, and that something was us,

and now everything has changed,

my heart softened and tendered 

despite the scars the world gave to me,

I still believe, especially more so now

we are together, I believe in Love,

and move through Time 

in tenderness.