Mother's Arms

I am grown and experienced, 

flavored, seasoned, weathered even...

having all my life missed my mother,

the only person I was comfortable with

taken, stolen, obscured and hidden,

and all I wanted in this world 

was to get her back. 

None understood my dilemma,

most didn't even care, and then 

there were some that used it as an excuse 

to look down upon me, because I was broken

in many places by this difference 

in me they had created, not like us...

not blood, so not really a person,

because people have roots

and my roots were a mystery...

Even adopted, not really an orphan 

but yes, it felt like that, marooned,

it was sink or swim.

The entire time I thought of her,

where could she be?

Was I on her mind as well?

So many questions that 

did not have answers I could know,

all I knew was I missed her.

I travelled the world, I searched 

high and low, I watched the sky

I stood at the shore, and waited at the docks.

But I couldn't find her, only rumors;

I have jumped in the blue ocean to forget

but I could not forget myself.

And I searched on and found 

many potential solutions presenting themselves, 

and I examined these things, measured 

against my desire and drive, my ambition,

singular; I wanted her back 

and nothing else mattered...

whatever may come, high or low,

feast or famine, to find me, I needed her.

And then one day the fog had lifted

the ocean had parted,

the sky had opened, and I found her...

and she received me, herself in distress,

because she had waited for so long

as I had, and in that one moment

it became real, and we were no longer alone,

the missing pieces, returned, placed back, fitted,

to where they belonged.

No longer broken, yet still different, but 

fulfilled now in ways that cannot be relayed...

for the experience is all at once 

so overwhelming and vexing it taxes a soul

and creates tears in the fabric of being

your heart torn, and then the demons come...  

unless the tears become the expanding of growth, 

and that all occurred with our reunion...

Demons retreating, as we gain our strength

from each other with our energy as one.

Demons fleeing, as I take comfort 

in my mother's arms.

Good Morning, I Love you

As I wake this day I think of you;

our embrace, the gentle warmth

of gratitude for our union. 

And I miss you...

The windchimes sing about us,

their voices on the gentle winds,

that our love will last forever,

and I believe them at last. 

As I hold you, I am completed

so I say, good morning,

I love you. 

Let this day be filled with us,

let the concerns of the day

melt away like tears in the rain.

As I awoke I thought of you,

I can't wait to hear your voice on the line

that we might share with each other

that love that completes me,

like a puzzle finding its' last piece,

like the child who found his mother.

When One Day We Say Goodbye

 

Today, we laugh and love and 

cherish every moment…

Today, we breathe a sigh of relief

at the having of each other.

Today we can smile in the sunshine

knowing the rain will pass 

after it comes, and yet,

when one day we say goodbye 

and nothing can console me,

because this day the rain doesn’t pass,

know, that I will be heart-broken;

Lost, in all the love I will still have for you,

even after you’ve gone. 

And again, I will be alone in this place,

having loved, and lost, but found

in me, the you that was always there, 

now known. 

And I will remember you and smile

at how alike we have always been,

and when I dream, you will greet me,

and I will tell you how I miss you,

how I thought of you the other day,

how I think of you everyday. 

And we will laugh and love

and as we are there, together, like now,

I will cherish every moment, awaiting

when I join you in the Now, beyond,

above the very essence of the universe,

We are connected still in that place, like now:

felt, but beyond sight, known, 

but unmeasured in its scope, 

and unfathomed in its depths…

I will fill In all these spaces 

with my love for you, until I join you again.

See, I believe this existence might be circular:

Nature and Spirit, amphibians peeling out 

of one atmosphere and into another. 

I will radiate this love for you in both places,

here and beyond. It is who I am.

I carry you and my love for you

into every reality I find myself in,

you are my constant in an unending 

stream of variables, and I know

that I will always be with you, 

but when I can’t touch you,

when I can’t feel your heartbeat,

I can’t breathe. Life,

but in suspension with 

these horrible thoughts of missing you.

Fields of Joy

It's with great compassion and gratitude,

that I reach out tenderly 

to touch your heart...

Compassion, for that heart 

is precious to me;

for that heartbeat sang me to sleep

in the womb, and now,

I would sing to that heart

that we would find ourselves 

connected, together again 

as it naturally should be. 

Gratitude, well, because 

I have been alone; 

but I am no longer alone.

The greatest thing in the world

was touching you for the first time, 

feeling how real you finally were. 

Knowing that my search had 

finally found you, the pain...

let it go, let it fade away,

those things which haunted me 

in my unending quest, that quest,

now ended, at your feet 

and into your loving arms...

And then, I found that we were 

still one, though the umbilical was cut

long ago as I was stolen,

and circumcised, as a brand of ownership. 

But I defied them all. And in the end,

I found you, and the happiness 

which eluded me for so very long, 

turned our lives around,

left found right, yin found yang,

fireworks in the heavens still explode

and expand, screaming victory in the sky

the mountain, that wasn't high enough,

conquered and in the distance,

left in the past with all the broken things

that don't exist anymore.

The hollow people who tried to distract me,

silenced. The demons who tried to blind me,

shouting danger in my head and ears,

showing me lies in my eyes, exorcised.

The journey, sharpening me like a knife, 

honed, I cut the cords and set myself free.

Because free was the only way I could find you 

as I built my world, reinventing the wheel

because nothing could be trusted.

But now, you are my world...

my world full of fields of joy.

I emerged into the actualization

of a dream that I now live.

My gratitude to the universe, or God,

or whatever The Great Existential Mind is,

I am humbled and smiling, and so very thankful.

 

The Mystery of My Mother

I walked alone, 

but I wasn't alone

in my heart beats;

I had no roots, 

but my blood called out to me,

your roots will grow one day;

And as it turns,

my blood was right, 

because I listened...

and all that has come from that:

the happiness, the joy,

the feeling of a completeness,

all the love that she inspires in me,

these things I never had,

and the terrible things that I did;

those things gone now

that we've found each other

and removed the emptiness.

And the wellspring overflows

my love coming from a source 

I now know,

no longer hidden.

The mystery of my mother

solved in all this love.

Good Things Happen on Wednesdays

It used to be a day like any other,

the halfway point of the week,

but then one day that changed,

and of that day, I'll speak:

I found her, but confirmation unverified

I was going to jump, but I was terrified.

What if this,

what if that...

kept going around

under my hat.

But then I thought, what if it all went right?

What if she too wants out of the night?

So there I jumped, into the light.

Just a beginning again,

it was a Wednesday...and now she knew,

that as I grew, I thought of her too.

 

Echoes

As I leave my footprints

across the universe,

I came upon you;

and we are alike

so I can know you, 

as you can know me...

And so, I know of the little things

which would help you

to heal beyond the trauma and shame,

and in those little things,

my echoes to you...

my love, rippling, across space-time

and reality, radiating, outward

from me, to you, for you;

the waves gently lapping 

at the shores of your heart

to the beaches in your mind.

The echoes of how I feel,

left for you to remind you

I am real, and this is real, 

and this is how it will be for us:

loving each other, and, 

listening, to the echoes 

on the wind chimes...

saying I love you.